It stings, doesn’t it?
Especially when your desire is simply to do good, to build up, to serve faithfully.
But this struggle isn't new. It's part of the human condition and Scripture has a lot to say about it.

The Temptation to Speak Ill: A Warning for All of Us
Before we talk about how to handle it when people treat us this way, we have to be honest: We, too, can be tempted to fall into this trap. James 3:5-6 warns, "The tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great exploits. How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire! And the tongue is a fire." Gossip. Backbiting. Criticism spoken without charity or the intention of being helpful or constructive. These things can destroy communities, friendships, families, and parishes faster than any external attack.

Jesus is even stronger in his warning: "I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they utter; for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." — Matthew 12:36-37 That's serious. In fact… I find those words a little terrifying… I know some of the careless words I have used! It’s a sobering reminder that our words are not casual things. They have the power of life and death. (Proverbs 18:21)

It’s easy to criticize what we don’t fully understand. It’s easy to tear down what we didn’t have the courage to build ourselves. Its easy to cast judgment on what (or who) we don’t really know. But we are called higher. We are called to be builders, not destroyers. "Encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:11

When You're the One Being Criticized
So what about when we are the target? When our work is misunderstood, our good intentions doubted, or our efforts belittled from a distance? First: Take it to prayer. Don't let the criticism fester in your heart. Bring it to the Lord. Ask: Is there any truth in this that I need to hear? Is this an area in which you are bringing forth the potential for growth? Or is this simply a call to deeper humility and trust?

Remember, even Jesus — perfect in every way — was misunderstood, accused falsely, and abandoned. "If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you." — John 15:18 If Christ suffered unfair criticism, we should not be surprised when we do too.

Second: Respond with charity, not resentment. We don't overcome gossip, slander, or unfairness by returning it. We overcome it by living above it.

"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." — Romans 12:21

"Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them." — Romans 12:14

Third: Find your affirmation in Christ, not the crowd. It’s tempting to seek validation from others. But the only validation that ultimately matters is the Lord's. If you're striving to be faithful to Him; that's enough. It is very human to need affirmation, and it is hard when we don’t receive it. But it is important to find rest in trusting in the Lord during these trials. I strongly recommend becoming friends with the Litany of Humility. Remember also that when others don’t see you, the Lord does! Unlike your accusers and naysayers, He knows your heart.

"Am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." — Galatians 1:10

Some Practical Ways to Grow from the Experience

• Pray for those who criticize you. It transforms your heart, even if it doesn't change theirs.

• Thank God for hiddenness. When you're unseen or misunderstood, it strips away pride and deepens your dependence on Him.

• Ask the Holy Spirit for gentleness and wisdom. Sometimes silence is the best answer. Sometimes a gentle conversation is needed. Discern carefully.

• Stay rooted in your mission. Criticism can be a distraction. Remember why you started — and who you’re doing it for.

A Final Word of Encouragement
When you live your faith boldly... when you create, lead, serve, or love generously... Criticism will come. Sometimes fair. Sometimes unfair. Sometimes behind your back. Sometimes from those you least expect. But you are not alone. Jesus walks with you. He reminds you: "Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven." — Matthew 5:11-12

Stay faithful.
Stay humble.
Stay joyful.

Your Father sees in secret — and He delights in you.
That is more than enough.

Welcome to Draw Near Collective—a vibrant Substack community inspired by the beauty of faith, family, missionary discipleship, ministry, and shared journeys toward Christ. Our mission is simple: to ignite hearts with the love of God and to walk alongside you in practical and uplifting ways as we all draw near to Him and to one another. Rooted in authenticity, joy, and a passion for sharing God’s transformative love, Draw Near Collective offers a space where faith comes alive through heartfelt stories, reflections, and insights.

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SCRIPTURE READING:
Acts 3:1-10
Now Peter and John were going up to the temple area for the three o’clock hour of prayer. And a man crippled from birth was carried and placed at the gate of the temple called “the Beautiful Gate” every day to beg for alms from the people who entered the temple. When he saw Peter and John about to go into the temple, he asked for alms. But Peter looked intently at him, as did John, and said, “Look at us.” He paid attention to them, expecting to receive something from them. Peter said, “I have neither silver nor gold, but what I do have I give you: in the name of Jesus Christ the Nazorean, [rise and] walk.” Then Peter took him by the right hand and raised him up, and immediately his feet and ankles grew strong. He leaped up, stood, and walked around, and went into the temple with them, walking and jumping and praising God. When all the people saw him walking and praising God, they recognized him as the one who used to sit begging at the Beautiful Gate of the temple, and they were filled with amazement and astonishment at what had happened to him.

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You could be anywhere else right now, but you are here. Like Peter and John, you’ve allowed YOUR plans, to be interrupted a bit. While a thank you, appreciation dinner is important, and it is good to know that you are appreciated, its not this dinner that I am referring to. 

It’s your life. Like Peter and John, you’ve allowed the needs of others to, at least in some small way, interrupt your plans. Your desires. This is a good thing! But, what can we learn about this account in Scripture? 

Notice first, that Peter and John did not allow their schedule to keep them from being open to opportunities to share the love of God that the Lord might place before them throughout their day. These are the Apostles (with a capital “A”). On their way to the Temple at 3:00. You know, that’s a pretty significant hour, correct? It was for the Jewish people of the time as well. They are trying to build this new thing called, the Church. Peter is the Pope. Yet, they paused. 

Not only that, but Peter “looked intently” at the man that so many had undoubtedly passed by every day. They looked intently! That means with great love. Luke’s account here also points out that the Apostles say to the beggar, “Look at us.” Almost as if they are saying, “See what great love we have for you.” But more importantly, “See what love and mercy God has for you.” 

The apostles I believe allowed “their plans” to be interrupted here in this instance because they recognized something that our culture, and even many Catholics fail to recognize. The purpose for which we were created.

Let’s take a step back, from the Beautiful Gate; from Peter and John and the Crippled Beggar; from Mater Dei Parish. Let’s look at you. You all know and have likely heard by now, I hope, that God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life, correct?  

But it goes much deeper than that. Before the foundations of the world, God had each of you in mind. He loved that idea so much that he created you. Made that idea a reality and gave you life. He created you out of love, for love, to love. His loving thoughts of you is literally what holds you together.

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But it goes deeper than that still! Because in creating you, not only did he give you life, but he also created you for a very specific purpose. A mission if you will, that only you can accomplish. He ordered your life so that you would have the right gifts, the right talents, and the right set of circumstances to help cultivate that purpose and those gifts in your life. Most importantly, so that you might be the best channel of the supernatural grace he has made available to you through relationship with Him; through the Sacraments, the work of the Holy Spirit, and the Church.

We can hear that phrase and find it intimidating. But it shouldn’t be. It does not mean the Lord is calling you to be the next St Francis of Assisi… Or, maybe, in a way he is! I’ll come back to that in a moment. 

What does it mean? What is your purpose? It comes down to just one word. Love. God has called and gifted each and every one of us in a unique way to reveal an aspect of His love in the world, to all those around us; a way that only we can. It was true for Peter and John, it was also true for the crippled beggar. It’s true for you.

In other words, God’s love is so overwhelming, so intense that each one of us has a unique way in which God has created us to reveal that love in the world. God wants to show forth his love through you in a way unique to you. In that sense, he needs you. Because, it’s what you were created for! 

It may seem like I’m going off topic, but stay with me! We pray it all the time in the Our Father. “Hallowed be thy name.” What does that mean? It means, “Lord, may your name be praised on account of me. Lord, in all that I set my hand to this day, may others encounter you.  Christ in the eye of everyone that sees me. Christ in the ear of everyone that hears me. Christ in the mind of everyone that thinks of me. Lord, may your name be praised.” 

We pray, “Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done.” What does it mean? Well… in a very real way it means:

God who is love, fill me so full of that love that it may overflow into the hearts of all those around me. Lord, God Almighty, help me to love better, to love stronger, to love deeper, to love more fully like yourself. Holy Spirit, God who is love, help me to love well. Come, Holy Spirit. Inspire my thoughts. Guide my words and direct my actions. May all of these serve to build your kingdom in my heart, in my home, in my relationships, and in the world around me.

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And that is exactly what we see happening here. In this Scripture passage, and even in this room. Though many of you might not have ever thought of your service to the Church in this way. I pray that changes tonight. 

There are many crippled beggars in the world, sitting at the beautiful gates of our lives. Begging for alms, even when they don't realize they are not asking for the thing they need the most. Even when we don’t notice them, or look at them intently… they are still there. 

The Lord has given you what they need the most! He has called you, poured out His love in your heart, and gifted you for such a time as this to meet the needs of those around you.

Notice Peter, said, “I don’t have what you are asking for, but what I do have I give you.” What did he give him? 

Right! Jesus. So. Do. You. Peter prayed a very simple prayer. He was not discouraged by what he felt he did not have or what he lacked. He recognized one thing that is also true for us. God thirsts for souls. He thirst for the love of his children. He thirsts through us. And in God’s infinite love and mercy, he allows us to participate in the great work of salvation. 

You may feel like what you do, or where you serve is insignificant. But that’s not true. You may feel like you have nothing unique to give, but you volunteer anyway! You may feel like you are searching for how better to serve the Church... But you just are not sure how. Maybe you have been serving and you are wondering, what difference has it made? Wherever you are, do not doubt that you have been given your own, “neither silver nor gold, but what I do have I give you”.

You have the silver and gold that the world needs most. Similar to Peter and John, you are an “apostle.” Don’t get too excited, its a little “a.” But still, whatever, however, wherever you serve in the Church, and perhaps even more importantly, how you live your faith in the world, are important in the building up of the Church. In that sense once again, you are necessary. You have been created, called and gifted to for such a time as this. To show forth the love of God in the world in a way unique to you.

In one of our favorite books, I BELIEVE IN LOVE, which is a retreat based on the life and teachings of St Therese of Lisieux, Fr Jean d’Elbee affirms, “Never doubt that you are an apostle.” In other words, don’t give in to discouragement. He roots this declaration in the words of Christ himself : “Abide in me and I in you for apart from me you can do nothing. Abide in me and I in you and you WILL bear much fruit” (John 15:5).

He does not promise that you will see it! But he does promise that when you abide, like Peter and John, you will bear fruit. Fr d’Elbee goes on to say that it’s good to pray, “Give me souls take all else away.” Many great saints have prayed this same prayer. But, Fr d’Elbee goes one step farther by declaring, “Its even better to pray, ‘Lord thank you for the souls that have been won by me (through my witness, prayers, example and service) simply because you promised me they would.’” You will bear fruit. You make a difference.

What’s your part? Abiding. Looking intently. Allowing the Holy Spirit to enkindle the fire of God’s love in your heart so that HE may renew the face of the earth through you. 

Wherever you serve, in whatever way, the same is true. It’s true for all disciples of Christ. 

St Paul stresses this as well in 1 Corinthians 12. We all have gifts. Some may get the status, some may get the glory, or as is often the case in leadership, some may get the complaints… But all are necessary. 

St Therese reminds us of this as well,  “Miss no single opportunity of making some small sacrifice, here by a smiling look, there by a kindly word; always doing the smallest right and doing it all for love.” Never doubt the power of a simple smile and a kind word! Often they are critical ingredients in looking intently at a world full of crippled beggars.

In being here tonight, in serving Mater Dei Parish over this last year, and however long you have served the parish, and in whatever way you have served, in a way unique to each one of you, you also have helped, if you will forgive a good metaphor, the crippled beggar to walk. You have shared, in a way unique to you, the love of Christ with others. Your silver and gold. 

But, there is still more! And it has to do with renewing the Church. In us all becoming who God created us to be. I mentioned there are a lot of crippled beggars in our lives. That’s true. Im one of them. So are you. We all are! And so, I’m gonna leave you with a bit of a challenge. 

I hear a lot of negative talk about the state of the Church. But, I am not discouraged by that. God likes to bring forth new life in the midst of our mess. He also likes to make us a part of his plan. He only needs our “yes.” 

Earlier I mentioned that God’s not calling any of you to be the next St Francis, and that’s true. However, there is a call of St Francis that I think remains true for us today. And it applies to our Scripture plassage. 

God said to St Francis, “Go rebuild my Church.” What did he do, he picked up a broom. Learned how to lay bricks and roll paint (a little bit of a twenty first century retelling on that one). He served the people right in front of him that were the most in need. Long story short, he started right where he was. THAT was his silver and gold. It’s yours too! 800 years later, he is still rebuilding the Church. But again, he did so by starting right where he was. Again, that was his silver and gold.

When we give the silver and gold we do have, when we commit our lives, deeper and deeper, to living the life of an apostle what happens?

Let’s return to our Scripture passage!

Then Peter took him by the right hand and raised him up, and immediately his feet and ankles grew strong. He leaped up, stood, and walked around, and went into the temple with them, walking and jumping and praising God. When all the people saw him walking and praising God, they recognized him as the one who used to sit begging at the Beautiful Gate of the temple, and they were filled with amazement and astonishment at what had happened to him.

This is what the world needs most. This is what the world is really asking for. And you have it in abundance!

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For context, Jo was an older woman confined to a wheelchair because she only had one leg. She relied heavily on the care of her elderly mother day-to-day, or her friend during this retreat. During this conversation, she explained how much she loved God and loved her faith… but she just didn’t know how God could possibly use her! Through tears, she said, “I want to share my faith with the world. I want to make an impact. I just want God to bring me so many people, but how could he use me?” She had experienced pain; yes, physical, but also emotional and spiritual. Her desire was a beautiful one! And I could see how much her heart wanted to give more to God, with a fear that she couldn’t. 

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After a deeper conversation, I posed a question to Jo. “You have a beautiful heart and a love for God, but… What if you only ever reach one person?” “One?” Jo repeated. “What if you only reach one? Would that be enough?”

I began to mention the biblical figure, Ananias, who is a favorite of mine and the other ministry leader’s, as well. Do you know who Ananias is? If not, perhaps you know of someone else; St. Paul? 

When Saul of Tarsus (St. Paul) is on the road to Damascus, on his way to persecute Christians, he encounters Jesus. Through this divine encounter, he finds himself blinded.1 God then tells a man named Ananias to go and minister to Saul. At first, Ananias is worried because this is a man who has been killing Christians.2 Perhaps he wonders how God could use him, or why this is God’s plan. In faith, however, he goes to minister to Saul. He was sent to help him regain his sight and bring him the Holy Spirit. Scripture also says that for several days, Paul remained with the disciples in Damascus. This could mean that Ananias continued to minister to Paul, teaching him. Paul physically regained his sight, but through the Holy Spirit and understanding, he also was no longer spiritually blind. 

Ananias is a seemingly unknown and unimportant figure to most, but without him, Saul may never have become St. Paul who greatly impacted the early Church and the Church today! All Ananias did… was preach the Gospel to ONE person. Just one. That one person went on to change the world, and for all of time, Ananias will share in Paul’s heavenly reward. 

After sharing this scripture account with Jo, she smiled and continued to repeat to herself, “Just one. That would be enough.” Passion like Jo’s is a beautiful thing! And surely there are many, like Paul, who are called to minister to hundreds… maybe thousands! BUT it begins with one.

It’s easy to believe that ministry must be widely impactful or reach the masses to be successful. But, ministry is the humility to go where God asks like Ananias, to give what God needs, to say what needs to be said (even when we don’t want to or are afraid). 

It’s a simple desire to reach just ONE person…

Have you ever experienced this feeling within ministry or another area of work?--self doubt, burnout, or pressure to succeed in every area? 

Why is this the natural tendency in ministry? It is so easy to feel pressure to justify our work. It’s common to want to see immediate fruit from our efforts or expect transformations of the heart and soul to be too numerous to measure–It’s wonderful if that transformation happens… but guess what! It is NOT on you to make it happen! I wish I knew this earlier in my work. 

It is so easy to feel alone in this pressure in ministry work!  But why?! This is the opposite of what ministry should be, which is community, support, relationships, authenticity, and trust in God’s goodness. However, when a youth night goes poorly or students don’t pay attention, “it's our fault.” If a parent is angry, “it's our fault.” If a kid just can't seem to fall in love with Jesus like we love him, “it's our fault.” Of course, it isn’t actually our fault, but this is the pressure so many in ministry place on themselves… 

I can't be alone in this tendency, but why is this our default while asking for help or admitting our struggles is so difficult!? Here’s the irony… receiving help is clearly the biblical example set by Jesus!

(Are you ready to get nerdy with Scripture with me?!) 

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In the Gospel of Mark’s passage of the “Rich young man,” He asks what more he must do for eternal life, and Jesus’ response is to give away all he has and follow Him (10:21). Again, in Matthew, chapter 16, Jesus says to his disciples, “If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me” (16:24). There’s a theme in Jesus’ calling to be his disciples (which is what we are all aiming to be)! He asks all of us to follow him, which also means taking up the cross! 

So, think of the passages where Christ does both. In the moment he is preparing to follow the will of the Father, in his humanity, he experiences agony while in Gethsemane.1 He experiences pain, sorrow, and perhaps fear of what is about to take place–so much so that he asks the Father to let the cup, which he is to drink in the crucifixion, to pass. I relate a great deal to this! How often do we find ourselves in feelings of loneliness, hurt, anxiety, pain, stress, pressure, you name it–and desire all of it to cease! Or perhaps we quietly endure it without asking for help, often from the one person who wants to help us most–Christ! We can learn a great deal from Jesus’ response while experiencing human emotions and struggles; he runs to the Father! And through it all, he still desires the will of the Father. 

Looking at the next example of Jesus in the passage where he physically “takes up the cross” while someone “follows him.” When he carries his cross, with the weight of every soul on his shoulders, does he do it alone? It’s important to realize that He could have!!! In his divinity, He could have willed all divine power and the strength of God to pick up the cross and walk the rest of the way to his death without a single drop of sweat or struggle. 

In his humanity, however, he shows all of us we need help, because in our humanity we can’t grow in holiness and sanctity alone! We can’t be his disciples alone! And that is okay!!! It's good in fact, because Jesus shows us it is good. Jesus, did not need help, and yet Simon of Cyrene is the only one in all of Scripture who does exactly what Jesus asks of his disciples; He took up Jesus’ same cross and followed behind him. Jesus needed help, and so do we!

I thank the Lord every day for those who support me at work and in the home. It wasn’t until I embraced the Simon of Cyrenes in my life that I felt like I could actually follow the will of God, even when it required taking up crosses!

So I want to challenge you! With courage, do not brave the storm alone! Be brave enough to ask for help, from others and from God.

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Here are a few tips: 

• Surround yourself with a community that supports you. That will carry a cross with you. 

• Don’t be discouraged if you fall or lose passion. As St. Ignatius advises, never make a life change in the midst of desolation. Take it to prayer.

• Have a prayer team or prayer partner. If we are disciples of God, we need to be shrouded in prayer.

• Be Simon of Cyrene to others! We aren’t in battle with one another. We are at battle, yes! But it's one God has already won for us... so help one another be on the winning side by building each other up!

• While you are building up others through support and prayer, try to build people in formation and ministry. Sometimes the reality is that we do things on our own because there are no volunteers or people formed to carry the cross with us. So, invest in people in ministry so they can become future leaders in ministry! 

• Finally, our “help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth” ... so run to him in everything! Pray to him with everything!  

You are not alone in ministry! And don’t think you have to be!

Reflect and comment: Who is your Simon of Cyrene?

I’ve been honored to give talks to hundreds of priests, parish staff members, and lay volunteers around the country and while we can discuss strategy, vision, etc. until the sun comes up, I find that most people are influenced by a strategy that’s focused on the interior life and a growing awareness of God’s presence in our lives and in our work.

Of the three ingredients mentioned, which do you agree with most? Which one do you struggle with the most? Please comment below.

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Typically when someone hears the word “apostolate,” they think of someone standing up and promoting their new ministry after Sunday Mass or perhaps someone online who has started a new non-profit and is asking for donations. One tends to think of an apostolate as a new business venture, except… Catholic. An apostolate is not necessarily a formal business and doesn't even need to be a formal effort. An apostolate is the response to, and a fruit of, the love of Jesus in our lives and is the “work” or mission we have been called into by God for the sake of building up His Church. We are all capable of our own apostolates by answering this call to mission.

In the opening statements of Apostolicam Actuositatem - On the Apostolate and the Laity, Pope Paul VI writes: “Our own times require of the laity no less zeal: in fact, modern conditions demand that their apostolate be broadened and intensified.”1

While there is, of course, great value in a formal apostolic effort, to see these sorts of ministries as the only means of assisting the Church’s mission can greatly limit an individual’s apostolic call and outreach to others’ lives. Consider these seven “ordinary” ideas for your own apostolic works that can help bring renewal to the Church.

Invite Others Over for Supper

Make your home a place where people come to eat, share life, and “retreat” from all of the things going on in their lives. Pick a day each week or a couple of times a month where you can invite others to your home or out to eat. This could be supper throughout the week, Sunday brunch, coffee and conversation among friends, etc. Pretty simple, right?

Volunteering (with others)

Get involved in your parish and/or community through a simple volunteer opportunity that you can invite others to join in. Rather than just giving your own time, make your apostolic work an opportunity to invite others to experience the joy of giving their time, too. You also get the joy of building a relationship with those you invite.

Meal Trains

This is such a simple apostolate for the laity, but means so much to those that receive your care. Meal trains are often given to those that are ill or have difficulty caring for themselves. However, if this is the ministry you enjoy, consider expanding efforts with meal trains to postpartum mothers and their families or those that just moved into the area. Consider inviting others into this generous work, as well.

Celebrations or Parties

Perhaps you have an itch to invite others to celebrate the Church’s birthday on Pentecost, to host a Super Bowl Party, or share the joy of National Ice Cream day (the third Sunday in July). God may be putting that desire on your heart! Be confident in the call and start sharing the desire with others by organizing simple gatherings and inviting others to be a part of them.

Being an Active Presence

I’ve had the gift of knowing so many people who seem to always to be there. They don’t ever seem to be in a rush. They are always asking how things are going and what has happened since the last time we chatted. While they do this for everyone they encounter, when you talk with them, it seems like you’re the only person in the world. Yes, simply being present and caring can be a very effective apostolate, especially when done with intentionality to be a witness of God’s love to others.

Crafts & Prayers

If you enjoy making things, consider making your craft a work of love and service towards others. I’ve known individuals who make rosaries, prayer shawls, or even pieces of art. When my mother was in the hospital for one of her cancer appointments, a professional sculptor was sculpting and painting little roses in the waiting room and handing them to patients, sharing his love for the art with them. I remember it bringing my mom so much joy that day. I still have the rose today. Take your craft to the next level by making it an active service or work for the Church and a witness to the joy and love of God!

Ad Hoc Trips

This is one of my favorites. Foster greater community and friendship by inviting others to do something together “just because.” This could be a women’s weekend away, a men’s camping/fishing trip, a family pilgrimage to a shrine or vacation to an amusement park. It doesn’t have to be anything far away or expensive. Make the goal to get to know others better, grow in friendship and intimacy in the Lord, and allow the Lord to work in and through whatever it is that you do.

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I truly believe that there are many individuals in the Church who feel some sort of obligation to assist with the “bigger” or “more important” works in the Church but find their involvement to be relatively fruitless and lacking joy. Their involvement in these “bigger efforts” can rob them of the time, focus, and energy they can put towards a more unique apostolate built more specifically for them and discovering the great joy that comes from tapping into the unique gifts and charisms that God has given them.

For some, who may already be doing these things, or something similar, Pope Paul VI’s called us to “intensify” these efforts. While some of these ideas may appear to be mere hobbies or special interests, we must consider whether God has a greater plan and intention behind them. Is there a way to make your hobby into an apostolate? For you, this could mean doing this work more intentionally with the heart to evangelize or perhaps to be more attentive to how God wants to work in and through you. There is extraordinary potential in the ordinary activities when we give them to God, and invite others to join.

In short, I want encourage you to consider the things that you love to do and find joy in. How can these gifts bring new life into the Church and into the lives of those around you? Make your life as a disciple something that’s ordinary but extraordinary at the same time and start giving witness to the lay apostolate as something that extends far beyond mere programming and non-profit work but is an authentic response to the love and joy of Christ in your life.

What other “ordinary” apostolate ideas do you have? Please share some ideas in the comment section below.

This past weekend, I was blessed with the opportunity to present a day-long workshop/retreat at my parish. The title: “How to Share Your Faith with Anyone.” A somewhat clear title, so I thought. But, one that also raises a number of questions! “What does that mean?” “Like, really anyone?” “I don’t have any trouble talking about my faith with anyone!” All of these were comments and questions that I received ahead of the weekend. 

With these ideas in mind, I began the day by telling a story. As human beings, stories impact us like few things can. Stories move and inspire us; they teach us, and sometimes even change us! Stories have the ability to reach us in ways that doctrinal truths (by themselves) and “best practices” cannot hope to - that is, without being presented through story! Jesus, himself, taught in parables for this very reason! Stories provide proof that God is who he says he is and that he is still present and active in the world. Hearing how God has worked in the life of the storyteller very often inspires faith, action, and hope! We remember it! We hold onto it. A picture may be worth 1,000 words; but a good story is priceless. 

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I began by sharing how my wife and I took to heart the words of our first pastor on the importance of proclaiming the Gospel message by words and deeds. He helped us to find Christ ourselves. He would challenge us and inspire us; but, thanks to his example, we knew to be open to the everyday, and at times frustrating moments of life; when the Lord might just be asking us to share the love of Christ. 

It seemed a pretty ordinary Saturday evening. The Friendly’s restaurant was right down the street from our church. There aren’t too many Friendly’s around these days. But, at the time, that was the place to go for ice cream! It was also the place to go after church, we were hungry and we wanted that toffee coffee crunch milkshake. 

Many times we had heard our pastor say, “We make sharing our faith much harder than it actually is. When you go out to eat, you are about to pray anyway! Why not ask the server, ‘We are about to pray. Is there anything we can pray for you about?’’ We decided that night, we were going to take up the challenge. Again, we wanted to help others come to know the same life giving, life changing love that we had come to know in Christ! It was time to do it!  Only… there was one problem. Our server was clearly having a bad day. She also didn’t necessarily seem to be happy that we were seated at her table. It was clear that she was having not only a bad day, but also a bad week, a bad month… Maybe longer. 

Despite the circumstances, when our food came, we said, “We are about to pray for our food. Can we pray for you?” To our surprise, she opened up to us. She told us about struggles with her boyfriend, with her parents, her lack of happiness and her desire for something more and something better. We prayed for her. The remainder of the evening was noticeably different. We continued to talk. Despite a long day, we lost track of the time. It was okay. 

When it came time to leave, we decided to leave an encouraging note on the check with some Scripture passages. Although we ourselves had only been walking with the Lord for a very short time, in our zeal, we did learn quite a few Scriptures to pull from! We also left our server with a great tip! 

The following week, after church, we came back. Yep, we ordered the same thing. We sat in the same section. Talked to our server, prayed for her and once again left an encouraging note, some Scripture references, and of course, a good tip! We did this for weeks; which then turned into months. 

Finally, her schedule was changed! This meant in order to continue to see her, our’s would have to change too! But it was out of our way! We lived and worked in the opposite direction! Nevertheless, we decided it was too important. We had also grown quite fond of her and this experience. Of course, those toffee coffee crunch milkshakes were also quite good. 

Finally, one evening after about six months, as soon as we walked in the door, there she was! She looked happier than we had ever seen her. She skipped right past the host and sat us herself. Her server pouch seemed like she had a busy day because it was full of receipts. Then, with a big smile she said to us, “I just want you to know that I’m getting my life back on track. I broke up with my boyfriend and I moved back in with my parents. They are helping me. I’m going back to school and most importantly, I’m going back to church and I haven’t been this happy in a long time. I just want to thank you for all that you have done for me and your encouragement. I kept every one of your notes. They have meant so much to me!” 

She then proceeded to dump out onto the table, every note, every Scripture we had ever left for her. It’s still an overwhelming moment to think about. It’s a story I can also seldom tell without tears. While I know her name and remember her name well, for the purposes of this post I have chosen to leave her name out. Why? 

Because you have been there! Even if you have never been to a Friendly’s Restaurant, you know this server! How many times do we encounter “bad service?” Someone who seems to not enjoy their work? How often have we said, “No tip from me! Don’t deserve one!” How many times have we been tempted to simply complain to the manager? Sometimes of course, that can be necessary. 

At the same time however, what if my wife and I had made the same decision that night? What if we had simply complained? How much would have been lost? What if we had not been open to sharing the love of Christ in that moment? It was a really simple thing that opened the door; that changed a life. 

Yep… It really is that simple. No workshop needed. The story of the Friendly’s server who had one unfriendly night and found the love of Christ as a result… That is how you share your faith. It can be that simple. More than anything, it simply requires the courage of your, “Yes.” 

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Come, Holy Spirit. Come right into the ordinary, the mundane, the frustrating and seemingly meaningless moments of our daily lives. Wreck our plans. Help us to hear your voice and follow your lead. Give us the courage to be your witnesses. Enkindle in us your love and desire for souls. Consume us with your love and may the flame of that love ignite the hearts of all we meet.

The next time you sit down to eat, I challenge you: “We are about to pray, is there anything we could pray for you about?” 

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Think about the first time you went to an amazing restaurant. After you went, was it your desire to go back alone and just relive the same experience again? I am willing to bet not. Or remember when you started watching that new series on Netflix and you got really excited about it. What was your natural next step? For me, the only thing I want to do is tell my wife and friends about these types of experiences. I want to take them to that restaurant so I can witness their first experience of it. I want them to watch the series on Netflix and tell me what they thought about it. My point is that when we experience something that is good, we have a natural desire to share it. Experiencing the Gospel is no different.

Default ministry is NOT a good thing. When we use the word default, it really means to leave things as they came. For example, when you set up a new account online, you may be assigned a default password. You can either continue using that password or change it to something more unique and personal. Default ministry leaves things be. The opposite of default ministry would sound something like Pope Francis in Evangelii Gaudium when he says “To go out of ourselves and to join others.” (EG, 87)

Before I get into the signs that you may be doing default ministry I’m going to quickly put a stake in the ground and say that bulletin announcements, newsletters, calendars, etc. are not making an effort to get to those who wouldn’t be there otherwise. These are great ways to communicate and remind those who would be there anyway, but they are NOT effective ways to engage and reach out to new people in your ministry.

Yes, our goal in the work of evangelization is to make disciples of those around us so that they will go and get others, but this must first be modeled by our own leadership and efforts to “go out of ourselves.” Here are three strategies that can be used to ensure you are looking beyond default ministry and encouraging a Church that goes outside itself.

1. Have Clear Goals

Instead of waiting to see how many people register for an upcoming event or show up to your parish outreach events, set goals for numbers and take responsibility for achieving those goals. Instead of going week-to-week in your planning, create a semester or year long plan showing you where you want to be at the end of the year and how you are going to get there. Others will follow a plan if they know they are headed somewhere.

2. Think Outside of the Box

This is very common in ministry to hear something like “we weren’t able to get a lot of people to go to this event because of the football game.” Maybe this event wasn’t intended for those who love football or are on the team. Start looking at opportunities like this to reach those that wouldn’t be there otherwise. Instead of making excuses, practice being more creative in reaching a wider circle.

3. Have Confidence That Fruit Will Come From Discipleship

The best way to go and get others is to have their own peers invite them. If individuals are not bringing their friends, it likely means that they are not having the experiences like the examples I gave above. They must be experiencing something great and understand that there is enough to go around. Begin doing things that those in your ministry will want their friends to experience as well and hold them accountable to being missionary disciples.

In a sense, what this all means is that we must be more proactive in our ministry than reactive. We must move from being a Church that caters only to those that are interested and would be there anyway to a Church that goes and gets those who wouldn’t be there otherwise. We must become a Church that has a vision that reaches beyond the Church walls and into our families, communities, and the entire world. Discipleship is important because it gives us the capacity to do so. It is important for the those we work with to learn how to “go out of ourselves.” The difficult part is that this must be modeled by the leaders in their lives first.

Sarcasm aside, I had my fair share of heartache, tears, mistakes, wounds, and loneliness. I remember writing in my journal about my heart and telling God I wanted to give him my heart. Don’t be fooled, though. This was not the kind of “give God your heart” that he actually asks for. You know… to love him, to serve him, to pray to him, to rely on him, to trust in him, the list goes on. Honestly, maybe I thought it was at the time. I thought I was doing something selfless and perhaps romantically heroic by giving God my heart. But, I found that journal entry a while ago. I read it. And I felt sorry for the young college girl who wrote it.

As I read through it, it didn’t seem like a genuine “giving” of one’s heart. It read as if I was throwing my heart at God… almost in a way to say, “Here! You take it! I don’t want it anymore!” Like all the hurt and loneliness left me utterly hopeless that God would ever answer my prayers. So, I decided to throw it away… lock it away “for God” (*insert air quotes*). In this heartbreaking journal entry, I saw the truth of the two years that followed. As I read, I could visibly see the wall that I erected around my heart. For the next two years I refused to date or to let anyone remotely get to know me. I became undeniably independent. The only person who truly knew me was God.

In this entry, I wrote, “My heart is locked away in a box buried underground in an abandoned cave.” I guess this was my version of “giving my heart” to God…??? I remember reading a passage from CS Lewis that changed everything, though. It shocked my heart back to life… or I should say God did. The passage said:

To love at all is to be vulnerable… Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it up carefully… wrap it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable… To love is to be vulnerable. (CS. Lewis, The Four Loves)

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I believe this excerpt was placed in front of me by God. I had done exactly this. I wanted to keep my heart safe so I locked it away. I loved the image of a coffin… because that’s what it was. I was allowing my heart to grow impenetrable, which, according to CS Lewis, meant irredeemable.

To live as a disciple (which means follower) of Christ, we must allow our hearts to be vulnerable, open, and loving. I see this in the example of St. Thomas–known as doubting Thomas. John’s Gospel says, “Now Thomas, one of the twelve… was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord.” But he said to them, “Unless I see in his hands the print of the nails, and place my finger in the mark of the nails, and place my hand in his side, I will not believe.” Eight days later… The doors were shut, but Jesus came and stood among them… Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side; do not be faithless, but believe.” Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God!”” (John 20: 24-28). 

There is evidence in the surrounding context of this passage that the other disciples had some doubt, as well; however, Thomas was the only one vulnerable and honest enough to admit his struggle to believe. Through his vulnerability, Jesus gave him exactly what he needed–he allowed him to see and to touch his wounds! Thomas’ faith in Christ grew in resolve that day! 

We can take a lesson from Thomas, which is, if we are able to be vulnerable with Christ in all things–only then can he speak into our struggles and bring us to an even deeper relationship with him! “What makes a saint is not someone who just “tries” really hard; it’s someone who has gone to the divine physician and shown him all of their wounds and has allowed Jesus to enter into every crevice of their being.”1 The same can be said of our relationships with one another!

Discipleship, which in this context is the work of leading others to become disciples of God, can never be accomplished through inauthenticity or a lack of love! Remember, “to love at all is to be vulnerable.” We do not need to have the “right” answer, or the best argument. We do not need to show another person we know everything. In every effort to evangelize or disciple another, we first must LOVE! By looking at Thomas, we see that when we are able to be authentic, relationships deepen; faith in that relationship grows. This is not always easy–”Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.” However, this is essential to truly disciple another person. There must be trust, faith, and most importantly love. 

St. Thomas the Apostle, help us to be vulnerable and authentic. Help us to love one another as Christ loves us.

(originally posted on Draw Near blog)

I returned from a speaking engagement awhile back, and this was one of the top questions that the diocese I visited was wrestling with. It seems to be a common question in parishes. Even with the big launch of a new program in a parish, recruitment efforts, etc., the long-term effect often seems to be that no more than 10% stay engaged in what the Church is doing.

My response to this question can be summed up in one statement: if we “actually engage” the 5-10% effectively, it will mean that the other 90% receive the invitation to be engaged through them. What does this mean? I would argue that in most cases, just because people are involved in a program at a parish does not mean that they are growing in their faith. They may be engaged at an attendance level, but not to a point where their involvement is affecting their lives and deepening their discipleship, culminating with engagement in the work of evangelization. One might contend that many of our programs are merely glorified social clubs.

Authentic discipleship is a lifelong journey of growth and depth. Some people are ready for it, and some are not. The ministry of discipleship requires a leap of faith to trust that if we carve out the time and space to truly walk with those ready for the journey, their witness and initiative will inspire others to do so as well. It’s not that we have to do one or the other (general programming or 1-on-1 discipleship); it’s that we must do both. If a Pastor of a parish had to choose only one to focus on, I would opt for discipleship because it is through the fruits of that discipleship that the other programs come about (someone else recognizes the need and seeks to meet it themselves!). Just as the first apostles evangelized the world through the fruit of their relationship with Christ, so too should we.

What does this mean for those responsible for the programming and coordination of the ministry efforts in our parishes?

• We are not expected to reach the other 90% by ourselves, including by thinking up more programs that we can create to reach them.

• Fostering authentic discipleship involves intimacy in relationship with others and results in a clear experience of growth, which brings us to life. Our ministry becomes truly human!

• Those we serve will mature in their faith and take on greater responsibilities within the life of the Church, and we get see Christ work in the midst of it all!

This is NOT idealistic. This is happening in many of the parishes that I am in contact with. It happens only through surrendering our busyness, our pride, and the lie that it depends solely on us. Those of us in leadership roles in the Church are not necessarily called to engage the other 90% of the people ourselves, but we are responsible for leading others in a way that makes it more possible. We have approached engagement one way for a long time now...it’s time to try it another way!

Let us not be afraid to go deeper in the ways the Lord is calling us to do so. Let us focus on discovering the beauty of Jesus Christ through relationships with people rather than the building of more programs or the teaching of more stuff! Let us have the courage to do so in order that others may be inspired to do the same. Through these faithful, inspired by the Holy Spirit, the invitation to the other 90% will be made.

I once read through about 80 evaluations from a day of formation offered on discipleship. One of the questions on the participant evaluation asked about specific struggles people had experienced in their discipleship efforts thus far . The most common responses had something to do with the busyness of individuals in the group or lack of commitment from group members. By far, the most popular comment described a tension between the desire of the discipleship leader to form the group members and the reality that this is impossible to do in the context of a one or two hour-long meeting each week.

I believe that one of the greatest misconceptions people have about discipleship and small groups is the idea that our responsibility is to form the participants as best we can in the context of that group, and only in the context of that group. Too often, leaders create extremely busy group schedules with a night of prayer here, a social night there, and “oh, don’t forget that we have to have at least one night where the parents/families are invited.” Especially for those who may be new to discipleship, it can be easy to conclude that as long we include something from each of the Four Areas of Formation in the planning, we have done all we can.

To clarify the point I want to make in this post, I’d like to give an example of a situation described in one of the reviews. On the question regarding struggles in discipleship, this person notes that she leads a group of 12th grade young women who are distracted by future graduation plans, and therefore not listening as closely to the content of the group studies as they should be.

I can totally understand this comment. I have led many groups where I felt like the participants were very distracted by other things. What I have come to learn, though, is that it is precisely these things (college discernment for example) that create the opportunities for real formation in a person’s life. The irony of this situation is that I have spent the last six months actually discipling a youth through the process of discerning college. Viewing this as an opportunity to help them grow in prayer (spiritual formation), I was able teach (intellectual formation) on two great saints, St. Francis De Sales and St. Ignatius of Loyola, and their teachings on discernment and prayer. Throughout the discernment process, and in the tension of deadlines and peer pressure (human formation), this young person grew much in their relationship with Christ and their ability to listen and be guided by His voice, and the freedom they experienced in it has become something very attractive to others (pastoral formation).

I didn’t get through a curriculum, and if someone asked what this young person actually learned, it might not be the most concrete, “packaged” program, but in fourteen years of ministry, I’m confident that this way of thinking and the approach that flows from it is how formation most effectively takes place.

Here are a few additional tips I’ve learned that I hope will be helpful for you:

Learn to Observe

Any professional coach will tell you that in order to coach well, you must know your student well. Start by getting to know your group and discovering what it is that God may be wanting to do in their lives before deciding what you want to teach them.

Practice Getting Rid of the Resource

Resources are good but can actually hinder a leader from being able to lead well. Could you imagine a football coach relying solely on a resource to tell him what his team needs? A good resource should flow from good observation and good coaching and really be supplemental to what knowledge, experience and time you as a leader can provide.

Do Not Be Afraid to Go Slow

I truly believe that the reason a lot of discipleship leaders live in this tension is because some pressure (coming either from the parish or from their own self-expectations) causes them to think that they have to “get through” a certain amount of material in a certain amount of time.

God is desiring to do much in the lives of the individuals that you work with and in you as well. Only when we begin to surrender our preconceived ideas and sometimes even the traditions that we are used to will we become aware of the things God desires to do in us and in those we serve.