“Hospitality.” “Welcoming.” In many ways these are terms on a short list of buzzwords we hear so much these days in any conversation about what the local parish should be doing. Added to that list, words such as: “accompaniment,” “discipleship,” and of course, “evangelization.” Yet, just as Inigo Montoya reminds us in The Princess Bride, we keep using these words… But, “I don’t think it means what you think it means.”
A disclaimer for what follows… This is a topic I am quite passionate about, offer presentations and training on, and have lots of experiences to pull from… So… This will be a long post. In fact, it will be two parts (this being the first). But, stay with me! My prayer and hope for this post is that it will be well worth your time!
“Welcoming” especially is a word that comes with so much baggage. What “welcoming” means is often debated. For example, does it mean we need to have jumbo screens in the sanctuary to attract young people? I have met some who would passionately argue that, yes, it does. Let me set the record straight on this question right out of the gate: NO! It does not mean that. Coming from someone who left the fog machine, stage lights, jumbo screens, and sweeping and inspiring camera work of the television crew… No matter how much these things can be aesthetically pleasing, that is NOT actually what young people necessarily want from the local church.
What do they want? To be “fed.” NOT ENTERTAINED WITH A ROCK BAND AND COFFEE! This is an accusation and generalization that angers me. I hear it all the time. That is an all too common dismissal of evangelical churches, that I can also tell you from personal experience, is an unfair and inaccurate characterization. If you want to become a hospitable parish, if you want to become a person that practices hospitality in your local parish, ridding yourself of generalizations such as these is an important first step! It can be helpful to prayerfully look at those opinions we hold toward others, and weigh the intentions in light of the Gospel (there are some Scripture passages below that may help). This is no codemnation or judgment. It is easy to do. But a look at becoming a hospitable parish, does require an examination of conscience of sorts.
For my part, I came to faith as a young adult in such an evangelical church. I am grateful for this experience. I can tell you our awesome band and our equally awesome coffee shop had not one thing to do with it. Formerly, I tried to convince Catholics to join “our team” and leave the Catholic faith and come find what they are looking for at our church. Later, I found myself joining theirs. “Thy Kingdom come; thy will be done. Lord, where else shall we go. You alone have the words of life!” I was not looking for stage lighting and a good double Americano with room for creamer.
So, what do I mean by, “They want to be fed”? First, they are looking for a home. They are looking for a refuge; a haven among their difficulties. They are looking for a place where they feel like they belong. They are looking for meaningful relationships and life changing friendships that add value to their lives. They are looking for something they can’t get anywhere else; something that adds meaning and value to their lives. Yes! They are looking for meaning; but not meaning in isolation; but rather, in community! They are looking for an encounter with Christ rooted in Scripture and lived in relationship with others. Even if they cannot articulate it, that is what they are looking for. Often, they do find this in places that have those big jumbo screens, the killer band, and the dynamic preacher. Yes. But it is not the screens, not necessarily the music, nor exclusively the preaching (though good preaching definitely helps). Trust me. I have been there. That was me; and so many I have known along the way.
Of course, this is not a post about young adults exclusively. It is about hospitality and “welcoming” in general. I offer this only as an example. But I do believe these basic truths are really applicable to the human experience in general. We all want to feel like we belong. To be welcome. We all need meaningful relationships to really thrive and live the Christian experience.
So, what can we learn about being “welcoming”? What is true hospitality? Let’s first look at what Scripture has to say. Then, we will hear what a few recent popes have said about the local parish and hospitality. It’s always helpful to have the 30,000-foot, big picture in mind first. “Why?” When it comes to hospitality, what is our “why”? Let’s take a look!
What Scripture tells us (a non-exhaustive list):
Scripture actually has a lot to say about hospitality… Too much to cover completely in this post. However, here are a few passages that stand out for this discussion.
Hebrews 13:1-3
Let brotherly love continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. Remember those who are in prison, as though in prison with them; and those who are ill-treated, since you also are in the body.
1 Peter 4:8-9
Above all hold unfailing your love for one another, since love covers a multitude of sins. Practice hospitality ungrudgingly to one another.
Romans 12:10-13 (12:9-21)
Love one another with brotherly affection; outdo one another in showing honor. Never flag in zeal, be aglow with the Spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in your hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints, practice hospitality.
Galatians 6:9-10
And let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due season we shall reap, if we do not lose heart. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all men, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.
Leviticus 19:34
The stranger who sojourns with you shall be to you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself; for you were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God.
Matthew 25:34-36
Then the King will say to those at his right hand, ‘Come, O blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; 35 for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’
What the Church tells us:
“In all its activities the parish encourages and trains its members to be evangelizers. It is a community of communities, a sanctuary where the thirsty come to drink in the midst of their journey, and a center of constant missionary outreach.” – Pope Francis (EG 28)
"The parish is where the Church lives. Parishes are communities of faith, of action, and of hope. They are where the Gospel is proclaimed and celebrated, where believers are formed and sent to renew the earth. Parishes are the home of the Christian community; they are the heart of our Church. Parishes are the place where God's people meet Jesus in word and sacrament and come in touch with the source of the Church's life.“ (USCCB, Communities of Salt and Light)
“The parish remains, as I have said, the pre-eminent place for catechesis. It must rediscover its vocation, which is to be a fraternal and welcoming family home, where those who have been baptized and confirmed become aware of forming the People of God. In that home, the bread of good doctrine and the Eucharistic Bread are broken for them in abundance, in the setting of the one act of worship; from that home they are sent out day by day to their apostolic mission in all the centers of activity of the life of the world.” - Pope St John Paul II (CT 67)
What we can conclude:
Before I continue, there is one thing I would like to point out. Because it touches on what we began with in the first place. The confusion over the words, “hospitality” and “welcoming.” All too common today is a tendency to redefine these words and root that redefinition in an at times well intentioned, but albeit misguided, desire for “evangelization.” It is easy to point to the Church’s teaching on being a “fraternal and welcoming home,” the “sanctuary” or “oasis” where the thirsty come to drink, but completely miss what follows. “In that home, the bread of good doctrine and the Eucharistic Bread are broken for them in abundance, in the setting of the one act of worship; from that home they are sent out day by day to their apostolic mission in all the centers of activity of the life of the world.”
As Pope St Paul VI reminds us, however, “There is no true evangelization if the name, the teaching, the life, the promises, the kingdom and the mystery of Jesus of Nazareth, the Son of God are not proclaimed” (EN 22). A big part of that teaching, the mystery, the kingdom, is the Deposit of Faith, and the Liturgy we celebrate. So, we have to understand that watering down the teachings of the Church, minimizing Tradition, downplaying devotion(s), taking a priority off of the need for repentance and our reliance upon God’s grace, and even reshaping the Liturgy in the name of being “welcoming” and so as not to offend… is NOT hospitality in the truest sense. Smiles and handshakes are important! So is quality music. But there is more to hospitality than just that! Like all things Catholic, hospitality is in many ways, a “both/and” situation. Awesome worship through a Liturgy celebrated well (and by “well” I mean joyful, reverent, not haphazard and sloppy, that points our attention to the Lord) and fellowship that demonstrates the fraternal and welcoming home we read about above. Meeting people where they are, welcoming them in, and with great love, patient expectation and apostolic endurance walking with them on their journey of faith… THAT is hospitality. Like the Good Samaritan, we meet people where they are. But in great love, we do not just leave them there. We care for their wounds. We help them. We are all wounded. We all need care. We all need true hospitality!
So… How do we DO hospitality?
Becoming a truly hospitable parish will take work and diligence. It is not the job of one person alone. No pastor can do it by himself; though his leadership is critical. Being a hospitable parish requires the participation of the WHOLE parish. But, it can begin with just a few. All of us need hospitality. It's not just for visitors. Furthermore, what does “visitors” and “strangers” even mean in the context of the average Catholic parish in the United States which sees, on average, only about 17% - 25% of parishioners regularly attending Mass?
In the next part of this discussion, we will dive into the nuts and bolts of just how to build a parish known for its hospitality. So, be sure to subscribe to get alerts when it posts! In the meantime, if you see someone new at Mass, say hello. If you hear a crying baby in Mass, give mom and dad a smile. If you see parents with some rowdy little ones during Mass, make it a point to tell them how good they did with their children and compliment their patience. They need to hear that.