Four People You Need in Your Life

Who do you need to surround yourself with in life?

As I reflect on more than 16 years of work in ministry, it’s not the challenges and frustrations that I remember; it is the people who have invested in me and the relationships I have been blessed to form. 

The Apostle Paul hints at the importance of relationships in the Christian life when he writes, “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ” (1 Cor 11:1), and “What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, do; and the God of peace will be with you” (Phil 4:9). There is, of course, much we can learn and imitate from St. Paul. I’d like to focus on one aspect that has made the biggest difference in my own life and ministry, and it has everything to do with relationships.

I have been blessed to have many “Pauls” in my life. After my initial conversion into the Protestant faith, which was “radical” in every sense of the word, there were men and women who took me under their wing, who invested in me and provided me with a witness of holiness. As God’s path led me into the Catholic Church, once again he provided mentors to help me embrace the fullness of faith. I had four people in my life who made all the difference. I would argue that every person desiring to follow Christ as a disciple needs these four people in his or her life, too.

The Importance of Relational Ministry

Before we identify these four kinds of people, we must say this: effective ministry is relational, and St. Paul offers a beautiful example of what this can look like in the relationships he built throughout Before we identify these four kinds of people, we must say this: effective ministry is relational, and St. Paul offers a beautiful example of what this can look like in the relationships he built throughout Scripture. After the conversion of Saul (Paul) through the faithful intercession of Ananias (Acts 9:1–19a), “For several days [Saul] was with the disciples at Damascus” (19b). From the moment of his conversion, Paul recognized the need to spend time building relationships. Most of his time prior to his conversion was spent persecuting the Church. This was even the initial purpose of his trip to Damascus. So, he needed to spend time fostering these initial relationships in order to build and deepen trust with those he previously sought to kill. We read in Acts 9:25 that “his disciples” came to trust him so much that they were even willing to put their lives at risk on his behalf. If you have served the Church for any length of time, you know that building trust, with the aim of forming disciples, takes serious investment in people and relationships.

It is Paul’s example we must follow and prioritize in this work and, going beyond our work, in our day-to-day encounters with others.

Four People you Need in Your Life

There are four kinds of people each person needs to have in life and that each of us needs to become for others. The inspiration for these four kinds of people is rooted in Paul himself and a few key friendships in Paul’s life. These people should come to know you, lead you closer to Christ, and ultimately aid in getting you to heaven.

If the Apostle Paul could not “turn the world upside down” by himself, neither can we (Acts 17:6). The four people you need in your life—and should strive to be for others—are: Paul, Timothy, Barnabas, and Silas.

Paul

First, I mentioned having “Pauls” in my own life. So, what does it mean to be a “Paul”? Paul proclaimed the truth of the Gospel and he was a mentor. He taught others the faith in order to bring about conversion, but he never stopped there. He took them under his wing to form them as disciples ready to go out and proclaim the Good News. As seen in Paul’s relationships with so many, a “Paul” is someone who is further along in living the faith. A “Paul” is already living as a disciple, maintaining a deep prayer life, is more spiritually mature, and is rooted in a lived relationship with Christ. A “Paul” is willing to intentionally pour his or her life into another’s, desiring to see others succeed. Someone who is a true mentor in this sense leads others to fruitfulness to such a degree that they begin to surpass the mentor. And a true “Paul” takes great joy in seeing another become more spiritually mature or find greater success in evangelization than he or she once did.

Does this not sound like a dream to all those working in ministry or striving for deeper holiness—to have someone personally investing in you and finding joy in your successes? St. Paul’s example as one who invests in others can be seen in his meeting of Timothy. “A disciple was there, named Timothy, the son of a Jewish woman who was a believer; but his father was a Greek. . . . Paul wanted Timothy to accompany him; and he took him and circumcised him because of the Jews that were in those places, for they all knew that his father was a Greek” (Acts 16:1–-3). In this passage, St. Paul wants Timothy to accompany him. A “Paul” invites others into his or her life.

Here Paul also ensures Timothy will be successful in his ministry by having him circumcised. In short, Timothy’s father was a Greek, and the Jews in the area knew it. This would have made preaching to that particular audience very difficult for Timothy, so Paul had him circumcised. This reveals that a “Paul” helps do what he or she can to set others up for success.

A “Paul” also sends others out with trust to do the work. In Acts chapter 17, through Paul’s investment in Timothy, Timothy is able to minister to the communities Paul taught even after Paul left (Acts 17:14).

Finally, to be a “Paul” is to take on a role of spiritual fatherhood (or motherhood). Paul writes to Timothy, “To Timothy, my true child in the faith” (1 Tim 1:2). Paul saw Timothy as a spiritual son, and Timothy allowed Paul to become a spiritual father. This, of course, requires an invitation into others’ lives through trust and relationship.

Timothy

Recently, I had a discussion with a former mentor of mine who forms young adults for ministry. We were talking about the struggle students face in the trenches of parish or school ministry after graduation. I asked, “What do you think is the biggest cause of the struggle?” The answer struck me: “They do not have mentors. Nor do they know that they need to be mentored.”

A “Timothy” is someone you are mentoring; intentionally investing in and pouring your life into. As explained above, Paul took Timothy under his wing to help him grow in holiness and become a true disciple. As one of the four people in your life, you need someone in whom you are intentionally investing. Paul had an eye for raising up others; we must as well.

Paul reminds us, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which was in Christ Jesus, who . . . emptied himself” (Phil 2:4–7a). We learn from the example of St. Paul—and Christ—that we find our own identity most profoundly in giving of ourselves for others.

If a “Paul” empties himself for others, then the one for whom he empties himself must be receptive! This is the greatest quality of a “Timothy.” This person is humble, teachable, and eager to grow. “Timothy” is open to a deeper relationship with the Lord and how the Holy Spirit may be leading or working through his or her gifts (2 Tim 1:6).

A “Timothy” is not necessarily young, but there is a youthfulness in his or her spiritual life, and this is not something to be looked down upon. In the words of Paul to Timothy, “Let no one despise your youth, but set the believers an example in speech and conduct, in love, in faith, in purity” (1 Tim 4:12).

While it is important to have a mentor as well as someone you are mentoring, it is also necessary to have someone sharing the burdens and joys of ministry. This is where Barnabas comes in.

Barnabas

By the time of St. Paul’s conversion in Acts 9, Barnabas was already a well-established and trusted leader in the Early Church. According to St. Luke, “he was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and of faith” (Acts 11:24). However, the Apostles were rightly suspicious of Paul. As mentioned above, he previously persecuted them; yet, Barnabas advocated on his behalf (Acts 9:27), and they became co-workers in ministry.

The name Barnabas means “son of encouragement;” this is precisely what it means to be a “Barnabas.” It means someone who works side by side as a partner in ministry, or even life. Like the hands of the potter, a “Barnabas” is used by the Lord to help shape you, but in a way uniquely different than that of a “Paul.” “Barnabas” is by your side, on the same path and state in life. He or she shares both the joys and the struggles, cheering you on through it all. However, a “Barnabas” is also willing to challenge you and hold you accountable when needed.

Barnabas was an advocate and encourager, but he was comfortable challenging Paul. Paul and Barnabas had a “sharp contention” over John Mark (Acts 15:39), which led them to part ways. However, John Mark went on to assist Peter in writing one of the Gospels and no doubt contributed to at least one of his letters. Later in life, Paul expresses great love and respect for John Mark (Col 4:10). In the apostle’s final recorded words to Timothy he affirms as much, “Get Mark and bring him with you; for he is very useful in serving me” (2 Tim 4:11). Barnabas was comfortable challenging Paul on John Mark while also encouraging John Mark in support of his mission. A “Barnabas” does not give up others.

Silas

We arrive at an especially Catholic perspective when we come to the fourth person you need in your life. Not only was Silas a trusted friend and companion of Paul’s, but he was with Paul in some of the most difficult moments. In Acts 16:16–40, Paul and Silas find themselves in prison:

But about midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them, and suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken; and immediately all the doors were opened and everyone’s chains were unfastened. . . . [The jailer] brought them out and said, “Men, what must I do to be saved?” And they said, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household.” And they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all that were in his house. And he took them the same hour of the night, and washed their wounds, and he was baptized at once, with all his family. (Acts 16:25–26; 29–33)

So, who is “Silas” in your life? Silas is that person who in the midst of suffering is able to help you turn your eyes toward the Lord and sing praises unto him. He or she may just be the most crucial of the “four people.” Without this person, one can easily succumb to hopelessness or a hardened heart. However, despite your circumstances, a “Silas” will not let you settle into cynicism and despair. The result of this friendship is that shackles fall off, prison gates are opened, the Lord comes in like a mighty flood, and souls are saved.

In ministry and in life, we need these four kinds of people. But not only do we need them for ourselves, we need to become them for others. You may find yourself feeling alone. Maybe you do not presently see these people in your life. I would invite you to reflect on the words in Sirach 6:14-17. Specifically, “A faithful friend is an elixir of life; and those who fear the Lord will find him.”  I can say without any uncertainty, seek the Lord with all your heart, make this your prayer and you will find these four people. Chances are, they are already in your life! Pray that the Lord would make that clear! Also, do not be afraid to ask someone to mentor you. Likewise, do not be afraid to pour your life into another. Make every effort to be a source of encouragement and joy to those around you. Once again, I can say without any doubt: “Whoever fears the Lord directs his friendship aright, for as he is, so is his neighbor also.” like Paul. “What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, do; and the God of peace will be with you” (Phil 4:9).