Handling Hidden Criticism with a Christlike Heart
Over the years, I have offered the same bit of advice countless times to those serving in ministry for the first time: When you work for the Church, you have to have a strong enough faith not to lose it. It speaks to the harsh reality that human weaknesses can be found everywhere. Even though you may bring optimistic zeal into ministry, others may not share your same perspective. Very often you will be misunderstood, assumptions made, and your motives and intentions called into question; sometimes fairly, but other times unfairly. Furthermore, you could get 500 compliments, but it will be the one negative comment that sticks with you; especially when it comes from an unexpected source.
Have you ever noticed how easy it is for people to complain or criticize when you're not around? But when you are, they’re friendly, even affirming? Or maybe you've experienced someone passing judgment on your work, your mission, or even your character, even though they haven't truly walked alongside you or understood the heart behind what you do.
It stings, doesn’t it?
Especially when your desire is simply to do good, to build up, to serve faithfully.
But this struggle isn't new. It's part of the human condition and Scripture has a lot to say about it.
The Temptation to Speak Ill: A Warning for All of Us
Before we talk about how to handle it when people treat us this way, we have to be honest: We, too, can be tempted to fall into this trap. James 3:5-6 warns, "The tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great exploits. How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire! And the tongue is a fire." Gossip. Backbiting. Criticism spoken without charity or the intention of being helpful or constructive. These things can destroy communities, friendships, families, and parishes faster than any external attack.
Jesus is even stronger in his warning: "I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they utter; for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." — Matthew 12:36-37 That's serious. In fact… I find those words a little terrifying… I know some of the careless words I have used! It’s a sobering reminder that our words are not casual things. They have the power of life and death. (Proverbs 18:21)
It’s easy to criticize what we don’t fully understand. It’s easy to tear down what we didn’t have the courage to build ourselves. Its easy to cast judgment on what (or who) we don’t really know. But we are called higher. We are called to be builders, not destroyers. "Encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:11
When You're the One Being Criticized
So what about when we are the target? When our work is misunderstood, our good intentions doubted, or our efforts belittled from a distance? First: Take it to prayer. Don't let the criticism fester in your heart. Bring it to the Lord. Ask: Is there any truth in this that I need to hear? Is this an area in which you are bringing forth the potential for growth? Or is this simply a call to deeper humility and trust?
Remember, even Jesus — perfect in every way — was misunderstood, accused falsely, and abandoned. "If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you." — John 15:18 If Christ suffered unfair criticism, we should not be surprised when we do too.
Second: Respond with charity, not resentment. We don't overcome gossip, slander, or unfairness by returning it. We overcome it by living above it.
"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." — Romans 12:21
"Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them." — Romans 12:14
Third: Find your affirmation in Christ, not the crowd. It’s tempting to seek validation from others. But the only validation that ultimately matters is the Lord's. If you're striving to be faithful to Him; that's enough. It is very human to need affirmation, and it is hard when we don’t receive it. But it is important to find rest in trusting in the Lord during these trials. I strongly recommend becoming friends with the Litany of Humility. Remember also that when others don’t see you, the Lord does! Unlike your accusers and naysayers, He knows your heart.
"Am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." — Galatians 1:10
Some Practical Ways to Grow from the Experience
Pray for those who criticize you. It transforms your heart, even if it doesn't change theirs.
Thank God for hiddenness. When you're unseen or misunderstood, it strips away pride and deepens your dependence on Him.
Ask the Holy Spirit for gentleness and wisdom. Sometimes silence is the best answer. Sometimes a gentle conversation is needed. Discern carefully.
Stay rooted in your mission. Criticism can be a distraction. Remember why you started — and who you’re doing it for.
A Final Word of Encouragement
When you live your faith boldly... when you create, lead, serve, or love generously... Criticism will come. Sometimes fair. Sometimes unfair. Sometimes behind your back. Sometimes from those you least expect. But you are not alone. Jesus walks with you. He reminds you: "Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven." — Matthew 5:11-12
Stay faithful.
Stay humble.
Stay joyful.
Your Father sees in secret — and He delights in you.
That is more than enough.