When "I Am Praying for You" Isn't Enough
Offering Hope, Healing, and Encouragement to a World That Desperately Needs It
*** UPDATE*** Trigger Warning: Infant Loss
A mere five minutes after I finished writing this post, one I felt generally inspired and led to share, as encouragement and not judgment, I received a call from my wife. We were expecting a baby girl. She had gone to what should have been a routine appointment. Only this time, a heartbeat could not be found. Something that to this point had been so easy. Before I knew it it, we were off to labor and delivery. A child would be born that we would not get to have the joy of watching grow up. Though we know someday we will get to meet her, sometimes its hard to grab hold of that hope in the midst of sorrow. But, thanks be to God for the gift of faith in these incredibly difficult moments.
What I wanted to say in the form of an update, is that since that moment, we have experienced the very things that I mention below. The gift of presence. The gifts of sacrifice. The gifts of meeting the most practical of needs and certainly of encouragement. The gifts of others helping us to carry the cross.
And so, what follows, takes on new meaning; deeper meaning. As I can speak from current experience, the difference that all of this can make. And we are grateful.
When “I Am Praying for You” Isn’t Enough
“I’m praying for you.”
It’s a phrase we’ve all heard—and hopefully said—countless times. And it’s a good thing to say. It is an even better thing when we mean it. Prayer is one of the most profound ways we can love and support someone. But have you ever been on the receiving end of those words and felt that something was still missing? Have you ever been in a season of struggle and thought, “I appreciate your prayers, but I just need someone to be here with me”?
Sometimes, the people around us need more than our words—they need our presence. They need someone who will show up, check in, and remind them that they’re not alone. Prayer is foundational, but it’s also a call to action. As St. James writes:
"What does it profit, my brethren, if a man says he has faith but has not works? Can his faith save him? If a brother or sister is ill-clad and in lack of daily food, and one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace, be warmed and filled,’ without giving them the things needed for the body, what does it profit? So faith by itself, if it has no works, is dead” (James 2:14-17).
Our faith is meant to be lived out in love, and sometimes that love looks like more than saying a prayer—it looks like showing up.
The Gift of Presence
One of the greatest gifts we can offer someone is simply being there. We live in a world where texts, emails, and social media have made communication easier but less personal. While a heartfelt message is valuable, it’s no substitute for the power of presence.
When someone is struggling, your presence speaks louder than words. Whether it’s a quick coffee date, sitting together in silence, playing a board game, or a phone call to hear their voice, these moments remind them they are not forgotten. As St. Thérèse of Lisieux said:
"A word or a smile is often enough to put fresh life in a despondent soul."
Our presence becomes a tangible expression of God’s love, offering comfort, encouragement, and hope.
The Gift of Small Sacrifices
St. Thérèse of Lisieux’s “Little Way” teaches us that holiness is often found in small, ordinary acts of love. She reminds us:
"Miss no single opportunity of making some small sacrifice, here by a smiling look, there by a kindly word; always doing the smallest right and doing it all for love."
A small act of kindness—a meal delivered, a text to check in, or a handwritten note—can make an immeasurable difference. These sacrifices don’t have to be grand gestures. Often, it’s the small, thoughtful actions done with great love that breathe life into a weary soul.
Practical Ways to Go Beyond “I Am Praying for You”
1. Check In Regularly
Send a simple message: “I’m thinking of you and praying for you. How are you today?”
Follow up consistently. Sometimes it’s the second or third check-in that truly communicates care.
2. Offer Tangible Encouragement
Share a Scripture verse, such as “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18), or a favorite prayer.
Write a letter or card to remind them of their strength and worth.
3. Be Present
Meet them for coffee, go for a walk, or simply sit with them. Your presence can be a source of healing.
If distance is an issue, schedule a phone or video call. Hearing your voice can be deeply comforting.
4. Meet Practical Needs
Ask, “What’s one thing I can do to help you this week?” It could be delivering a meal, running an errand, or babysitting.
Don’t wait for them to ask. Anticipate their needs and act.
5. Listen Without Fixing
Resist the urge to solve their problems unless they explicitly ask for advice. Instead, say, “I’m here to listen. Tell me what’s on your heart.” Or in the words of Chester Bennington in my favorite Linkin Park song, “Can I help you not to hurt anymore?”
6. Listen Without Defending
If a friend expresses feeling unsupported or unheard, don’t take it as a personal attack. Instead, see it as an invitation to grow. Respond with humility and empathy, saying, “I’m sorry if I haven’t been there for you in the way you needed. How can I do better?”
7. Honor the Trust of Confiding
When someone opens up to you, it’s a sign of trust. Instead of immediately pointing them elsewhere (like a counselor or another friend), acknowledge the gift of their vulnerability. Saying something like, “Thank you for trusting me with this. I’m here for you,” can affirm their decision to share.
While professional help may be needed eventually, it’s often better to focus on listening and supporting in the moment. Avoid making them feel as though their trust is being redirected or dismissed.
8. Share the Load Without Judgment
Offer companionship in their struggles. For example, “Let’s tackle this together. We’ll take it one step at a time.”
Avoid critical comments about their emotions or decisions. Instead, validate their feelings, even if you don’t fully understand them.
9. Pray With Them, Not Just For Them
While private prayers are powerful, praying together can provide immediate comfort and deepen your connection. Offer to pray with them in the moment:
“Can I pray for you right now? Let’s ask God for His peace and guidance.”
10. Celebrate Small Victories
Acknowledge their progress, no matter how small. For instance, “I’m proud of you for getting through today. I know it wasn’t easy.”
Celebrate their strength and resilience with encouragement, hope, and confidence.
Faith and Action: Living the Gospel
Reflecting on my life over the years, I’ve come to see how deeply relationships matter. The friendships I’ve built, the mentors who have invested in me, and the moments of showing up for others have made the greatest difference—not only in my life but in theirs.
When we combine prayer with action, we live out the Gospel in its fullness. As St. Paul reminds us, faith is relational: “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15). Our friendships become a reflection of Christ’s love when we step into another’s struggles with empathy and care, and help them carry their cross; even if just for a moment.
Small Acts, Big Impact
St. Thérèse’s reminder that a smile or kind word can lift a despondent soul challenges us to see the power of small acts. We may not always have the resources to solve someone’s problems, but we can always offer something. Whether it’s a prayer (in person), a hug, or a moment of presence, these small gestures become profound signs of God’s love.
A Call to Action
The next time you tell someone, “I’m praying for you,” ask yourself:
How can I show them God’s love through my actions?
What small sacrifice can I make to remind them they’re not alone?
What can I do to be a better channel of God’s love in this moment?
Let us strive to be the hands and feet of Christ; offering a hug when its needed most, standing with others and being present, living out our faith with both prayer and presence. Together, we can offer hope, healing, and encouragement to a world that desperately needs it – a world that seems to have no time for thoughtful actions of love or small sacrifices.
Closing Reflection
As Sirach 6:14-17 says:
"A faithful friend is an elixir of life; those who fear the Lord will find him."
May we all strive to be that faithful friend, offering not just our prayers but our time, presence, and small acts of love. In doing so, we reflect the heart of Christ and bring His light to those in need.