Friday the 13th
Middle school is hard. I’ve never known a single adult that has expressed any desire to relive their middle school days. That is certainly true for me. I can’t say that I have ever waxed nostalgic about my middle school days in Springfield, Ohio.
Yet, recently, I have found myself reflecting on one of my own experiences in middle school. Especially as today’s date drew near and as I’ve reflected on the current state of things in our culture.
Friday the 13th. I don’t recall the actual date, or really, even the year; I just remember that it was a “Friday the 13th.” If I had to guess, it was 7th or 8th grade year. My school was taking a field trip and literally everyone was going – with a few exceptions. For whatever reason, the necessary permission slip for me to attend had not been signed. This meant I had to stay behind with the assistant principle. But, this day, we were not alone.
The boy who seemed to have it as his personal mission to make my life a living hell on earth every single day of middle school thus far, also had to stay behind. It seems the adults in his life didn’t take enough interest in him to sign his permission slip either.
As my day began – and by “day” I mean a seven-and-a-half-hour study hall – fear and worry set in. I was sure that this boy didn’t even know my name. If he did, he certainly didn’t seem to care. As far as I could tell, he really thought my name was, “Fat F#$%.” He was a cruel artist of vulgarity and a master tradesman when it came to four letter words and insults. It is likely that he could bring the most grizzled of men to tears… even at the ripe old age of 13.
What followed was the most unexpectedly peaceful day I remember in my time served… er… eh… my time in middle school. Bully is not a strong enough word for my experience with this young man prior to that day. But, this day, alone, just the two of us, in the same circumstances, we found peace and civility. He called me by my name throughout the day. We joked about our unfortunate lot. We found joy during what really was painfully boring. There was no mocking. No poking fun. No name calling. We ate lunch together. Peacefully. I am sure we discussed the episode of the Simpsons that was on the night before (in the golden age, it was on Thursday nights!). It was a wonderful day. So impactful was this day that I still smile whenever someone issues a superstitious warning about Friday the 13th. “Really? For me, it has always been an unusually lucky and blessed day.”
In John 13:35, Jesus reminds us of something critically important, “The world will know you are my disciples by your love.” In Matthew 5:44, he also issues us a most difficult challenge, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…” That is a hard one. I didn’t love this young man. I would dare say I nearly hated him for the way he treated me. Those feelings often turned into fear and dread. Yet, this day, I was met with a warm and respectful person… who seemed to be entirely different. In Matthew 5:45-48, Jesus goes even further: “If you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you salute only your brethren, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You, therefore, must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
What I see in this experience are the obstacles and walls we put up that keep us from loving our neighbors as we should. Perhaps it was due to there being no one to crave attention from, no one to feel the need to impress, no one to perform for, and no one to criticize him, he was able to see me as the human being I am, and in that sense, love me as he ought. For my part, when I was able to forgive in that moment, put down my guard and see him also as a human being, and not some monstrous instrument for my torture, I, too, was able to see his own dignity, and love him in that way. Without all those walls we allowed the world to build between us, we could be friends.
I think there is a valuable lesson in this. Our call to extend love, mercy and forgiveness toward others is not somehow contingent upon circumstances we deem favorable. There is enough hate and division in the world. We are all experiencing this to one degree or another. This is compounded by the echo chambers we often allow ourselves to remain in; or in our succumbing to the current affliction: replacing respectful dialogue with insults and personal attacks. Whatever the motivation is, there is still a better way. I have no doubts that I have been guilty of this more than once. But I know what I am aiming for regardless. And I would invite everyone reading to the same simple request, often credited to St Francis:
“Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy…”
What the world around us needs most is love; the love of Christ working in and through us. Inspiring our thoughts, animating our actions, transforming hearts, helping us to become who we are meant to be, setting the world on fire with that same love. In order to do this, we are going to have to allow the love of Christ to animate our lives and help us to see even those who think differently than us, with dignity and respect. What encounters might the Lord have in store for you on this Friday the 13th? Who might the Lord be inviting you to love today?
For Further Reflection:
Who in your life do you find it difficult to love? How might God be calling you to love them despite the circumstances? What are some safe steps you may be able to take to do show the love of Christ?